Face (of) the day

Today’s post relates to the anxiety of lockdown, the amplified feeling of helplessness and isolation, which, in many ways, manifested itself as we were confronted with the racist US police brutality. I recently watched the BBC 1987 documentary Fouteen Days in May  (link to watch online if you don’t have BBC iplayer) and even though this took place over 30 years ago, the statistics about black men being convicted vs white men, and the way the colour of their skin seems to dictate their fate, haven’t changed much if at all: it’s truly harrowing. It is tragic to realise that prisons and death row inmates are still dominated by a black demographic. The inmate was being filmed by the BBC and thought that the fact he was being filmed might save him. “Do you know something I don’t?” he helplessly asked his young British lawyer. Alas, a camera might record but it can’t stop the reality. I personally find the death penalty shockingly barbaric: even when guilty, many of these criminals endured horrific upbringings and social inequality. (Read Guilty by Reason of Insanity: A Psychiatrist Explores the Minds of Killers by Dorothy Otnow Lewis). In a country where criminals are treated like dangerous animals to be put down it is hardly surprising that brute force is used when apprehending them. Indeed it seems clear that this tactic was well rehearsed, it just had never resulted in a death before. Perhaps even the fact that there was an audience, made the police even more vindictive. One can only speculate and aim for this video evidence to act as a catalyst for real change.

All this takes place in the shadow of an invisible and impartial enemy... although even the virus seems to disproportionally kill BAME (black Asian minority ethnic) groups. The claustrophobia and anger at helpless governments who simply cannot protect its citizens from a disease which is unpredictable and unpreventable by any means other than forcing us all to cower from within secluded homes. The anger from businesses who are forced to therefore shut down and the trickle down effect which means people’s futures are in jeopardy. Especially young people who are cruelly denied times in their life which they’ll never recover: the liberty of university life and the opportunities waiting for them once they graduate, or school children denied the simple joy of growing up in a rowdy schoolroom joshing about with their friends... the list goes on. I can’t help but wonder if the protests are to some, a chance to recreate a social communal gathering, especially if music acts are to take place and celebrities are to attend and give talks. Now doesn’t seem the time to encourage mass gatherings and the inevitable looting is a side effect of releasing all the pent up frustration and rushing into angry demonstration. I noticed a Facebook advert for a London protest advises attendees to self isolate for two weeks afterwards but surely many of them live in shared homes and in practise this invites inevitable exposure for people who would otherwise be sheltered from risk. Regardless of the merits or I should say necessity of visible protest at this abhorrent crime, I think encouraging mass gatherings whilst a virus is still a real threat, is wrong. I also think that the trouble with these “trending” social issues is that it gets a lot of traction and then is all but forgotten and the lessons are not learned. The killing of George Floyd is but the latest in a terrible list of black victims.

And onto beauty; beauty brands are expected to proclaim how upset they are and how much money they will be donating. I think this is misguided in the sense that it commercialises tragedy and pivots a serious issue into a marketing ground. Nonetheless the money is vital and of value but the abuse met out to celebrities and brands who don’t publicly speak out, seems also a kind of prejudicial witch-hunt. People should be able to not have the pressure of their skin colour used against them. But I know that when you are from an ethnic minority you are treated as an Other and whether you want to or not, you do stand as a cipher. So the pressure to be an example is very real and cannot be thrown off. Blackout Tuesday was a noble aim to mute social media and educate oneself on the history of black suffering and prejudice. Prejudice goes both ways and often there is racism within racism such as rap lyrics praising pale black women as ‘redbone’ etc and black celebrities using filters to lighten their skin to this more ‘desirable’ caramel tone or change their features and hair and so on. The racism is not simply coming from white supremacists. Within beauty however there is the added spectre of how foundation shades and even lipsticks are named. What, indeed, does “nude” mean?

 I think broadly shades are named in a neutral way, shades like Estée Lauder shell, Bone, nutmeg, etc all seem fine to me... but there will be a shift I suspect, a hyper awareness of what shade names invoke. I think beauty naming in general needs reassessing because aside from the eye rolling crude sexual double entendres, the drug and addiction type names are also unnecessary and degrading. That doesn’t mean names have to be numbers or boring but it does mean we don’t need to perpetuate makeup as a weakness or a call for sexual attention and (male) approval.

Blackout Tuesday had the ironic effect of being a time to in fact engage more with social media, the black square taking on something of a smug badge of honour, and again, those brands or individuals not using it being vilified for not joining in and thus the logic went aligning themselves with right wing racists. The way of press-ganging individuals to join the cult of vitriol doesn’t seem the way to progress. It seems that it would bring about a short term burst and then the fashion of political protest fizzles down and it’s  onto the next trendy cause to capture the zeitgeist. Racism or more broadly I would say prejudice is a relic from the past which one assumes is eradicated but it isn’t. The need to think of oneself as having an Other to persecute, is irresistible, and shows no signs of abating.

Martin Luther King (yes, who else can one quote at these times?) famously said, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” We like to think of our favourite brands whom we shop from, as friends. We want to see them publicly standing against racism and putting ‘our’ money into this cause. We get angry when they don’t. But anger is at the root of where things go wrong. Violence even in the name of virtue can’t be  right... Then again, sometimes the only way to be noticed is to be violent. Kind calm demonstrations probably wouldn’t make the headlines; burning down buildings, does. This is not something to be vindicated by but it is the truth. In a time when there are so many brands - unlike 30 years ago one might say - we can and do boycott which makeup brands get our money. But if a brand makes a truly wonderful inimitable product, how many would still boycott them. Much like a beautiful piece of art painted by a known abusive husband (too many famous artists to list here as examples) would we not still enjoy the art as separate from its creators? Is hounding them until they proclaim their agreement not rather hollow? But as the public’s outrage over Dominic Cummings shows, no it isn’t hollow: we want these individuals in power to be brought down and humbled - even if they do so under duress. Maybe, especially so. We feel cheated if they can happily go about as they were, unpunished.

The point of all this is to say that, as hackneyed as it is, Ghandi’s quote to be the change you wish to see in the world, is the only truth. Making it a norm to be kind and give people the chance to show who they are without our prejudice forcing an identity onto them, it’s hard but we must try. And possibly more importantly, to love ourselves without self hatred and resentment, as this often leads us seek an Other to project all our own insecurities into as a therapeutic release/ scapegoat.

Sometimes the most tiny self care routines are enough to make us feel better and more able to face the world and feel valued. That is why even in lockdown I think it’s crucial to still eat healthily (well of course a few extra treats are understandable...) exercise and still do your hair and makeup and nails, if it brings you joy. My face of the day isn’t what it is when I know I’ll be seen and judged, but it is still a face of the day even if all I do is a trip to the shop or a socially distanced catch up. It’s:

Thebalm balm shelter - comes in extra light and goes to extra dark. My shade is “lighter than light” (I see no issues with the shade names; “light” and “dark” should have no connotations in either direction.) Anyway, this gives skin an even canvas and it has SPF 18. All sunscreens break me out but thankfully, not this. It’s therefore my daily face sunscreen too. Eyebrows - brows are so important. I like to use the Morphe  e29 angled brush and spoolie with some brown eyeshadow (usually MAC or Sleek) and I like to sometimes use eyeshadow but generally if I skip eye makeup I will then always use a lip and cheek colour. I like Lipstick Queen lipstick which I then dab into cheeks.

Lockdown pick-me-up treats

If, like me, you've been enjoying a little online hauling... Here are some treats which truly did pick me up and which I recommend thoroughly. They're not all beauty related, either!

Read on:

1. I bought myself a milk frother right at the start of the lockdown. My lavazza coffee machine does do froth, but it was never like a coffee shop cappuccino and from researching I discovered many coffee connoisseurs rely on a separate milk frother. Anyway this one was fairly cheap, but it does a fantastic job. It can do ice coffees too! Very much a pick me up. And coffee is my only vice. 😇

2. Victoria's Secret hauling. It's not the finest quality, and I hate screaming logos, but I really like the cut of most of my Victoria's Secret and PINK clothes. I've been living in PINK cropped tees and I like their joggers too. It is possible to find discreet logo items. (Usually they have low ratings because "you can barely see the logo!") The PINK Ultimate leggings are my workout go-to. Onto the teddy - No, sadly I don't plan to wear it as a true Playboy homage nude or with bra showing; I will wear it with a vest (cami) underneath or perhaps a jacket on top. I like that it's simultaneously demure and provocative. I like to confuse people. I did try it on and it made me think wistfully and hopefully of nights out in the future.

3. Lipstick Queen lipstick in Frog Prince. I got this from Look Fantastic. I am a huge fan of Lipstick Queen especially the balm-type 'transforming' shades. My favourite is Morning Sunshine, but the irresistibly fitting paradox of a green lipstick for these strange times, meant I had to get the classic Frog Prince. I remember an old Barry M green lipstick which changed into a garish scary pink on most people. It was almost as frightful a shade as if it had applied green, to be frank. This Frog Prince however is a forest green which changes into a mauveish pink. It's nothing unique or exciting once on, and I would probably never have looked at it if it was that mauvish pink in the bullet. It's definitely universally flattering and it leaves lips with a nice stain. (My favourite thing about these lipsticks.) I enjoy just taking it out and seeing its green body against the pink shell. The name and outer packaging are very clever, I really enjoy Poppy King's wit and vision.

4. Guerlain Terracotta Nude Glow Powder, in Universal. Guerlain's original Terracotta bronzers have something moisturising in them which literally make my skin look better and act as skincare when my skin is dry and flaky. I always wished they'd make a skin tone version with the same effect. And now, they have! Boo it's limited edition, but it's here if you can find it (I got mine from Harrods but it's out of stock there, and everywhere, except Guerlain directly now.) I fought so hard and managed to resist the new Brazilian Fizz Meteorites. Maybe I'll cave at some point (it's still available, again only at Guerlain directly) but I have barely used the Perles de Satin ones so paying £46 for the tin, wellll I won't lie, it's still tempting, but I had to be "sensible". This Nude terracotta though, was non-negotiable. It's £38 which is a bit much. But Harrods have some MAC on sale so I bought a few MAC items to feel overall I'd got a good deal. (Does anyone else buy more to justify spending too much? 🤔) Anyhow it's worth every penny now that I've tried the powder, I've only tried it once but it's just as I hoped: Just as it looks in the promo images. And it would work indeed on any skin tone as it's an effect not a colour. If I manage to go away this summer I will definitely buy a backup at Duty Free. The meteorites pearls make skin look better, but this Terracotta Nude Glow powder actually conditions the skin - the pearls are just an illusion. So it's best described as a less shimmery version of wet look highlighters, in the direction of the effect of MAC extra dimension skin finishes etc. It makes skin look young and dewy on contact.

5. Pat McGrath Subversive palette - this hasn't arrived yet, but it's 40% off from her site. Free shipping to UK too, so it was impossible to resist. I am planning to depot them though as the case looks rather 'geometry set' to me and I don't like all that plastic.

6. Skincare - as I said last post, this is a perfect time to get a skin care regime going. I'm doing well using retinoid gel and various masks and moisturisers as detailed already. I'm happy with everything except that I am still on the hunt for a sunscreen which doesn't make my skin break out. It's a very frustrating and so far fruitless endeavour. If anyone has any recommendations please let me know? So far I have tried Paula's choice, Shiseido BB in the bottle and in the compact, La Roche Posay, and Cerave... All bad for me.


Hoping everyone is doing well. Shops will be open IRL soon but it's quite addictive to just have everything ordered and delivered. It will feel strange browsing again I suppose. The age of testers will be over as we know it, I wonder if they'll have to start giving out samples which previously SAs were so militantly against doing. From seeing how it is in US, every beauty item will be individually cellophane wrapped. Clothes once tried on will then have to undergo quarantine. It's hard to tell how it'll all look. If one must queue to get in due to shopper limitations, I dare say that alone will ensure online shopping still prevails. I guess shops will have to entice customers with 'in-store only' promotions.

How to stay happy in lockdown

It's a sad fact that, as in medieval times, the only way for us to battle this virus is to cower away from it. Most of us are still in lockdown and even amongst those given the green light to rejoin society, many are understandably reticent.

Now is the time to do things you couldn't normally do. For instance, solitary reading and drawing, meditation, stretching, or even introspective thinking about issues that you normally brush under the carpet. Making plans for how life will change once you emerge with newly discovered gratitude for life.

Talking to friends and family over social media etc can sometimes make you feel even more lonely, or dare I suggest, even more bored.

With skincare and beauty at the forefront of this blog, naturally my tips will be along the more superficial side of things. But if you can't indulge when you're hidden away and forced into solitude, then when will you?


1. Have you ever tried Retin A or Tazorac? The real stuff? If you haven't - or if you have and you found the flaking just wasn't worth it, now is the time to flake away. Don't worry the flaking won't show on Zoom. This is the perfect opportunity to get your skin conditioned to using it. Studies show that skin improvement can happen within just two weeks.

2. Learn a skill that could save you hundreds of pounds... I'm talking about manicures, pedicures, even hair dying and hair cutting. You might just find that it's not that impossible. But start on very easy and subtle stuff, no drastic bleaching and bobbing. Hairdressers are terrified that this will be our awakening. The revolution might just start now. Spending £280 on new hair is hard to stomach. Then again, be warned, if you mess up, that will seem a bargain. So just go for a similar tone or even just a colour wash in wash out...

3. Make like celebrities and dye your hair a fun colour you'd never normally do! If you still have work meetings you can tie it up (only do the ends.) No one will know! You can go blue or pink - those seem to be the couleurs du jour. You will need to bleach the ends or even the whole head depending on the look you want or if you don't already have highlights that need retouching. And if it's a patchy bleach job, it's fine because the fashion colour will cover it up or even add to its cool appeal. If you choose blue though, dilute it with white conditioner because that does stain whereas pink washes out pretty easily. Unless you'll be moving on to an all over brown once the fun and frolics get old, in that case, you can go any colour.

4. If you're cohabiting with unpleasant people, the lockdown can be unbearable. Of course if it's physical abuse you must look into a safe refuge, nothing is worth living in fear and trauma. If it's less severe or exclusively emotional abuse, now could be the time for you to deal with it head-on. Confront the abuser and let them know you have seen through them and they can't hurt you anymore. See them for the cheap nasty bully that they are, and treat their words as worthless. With time on your hands you may find you are finally able to recognise that they are awful people who simply don't deserve your tears. ThIs goes for people in your life generally, that now that you have the luxury of time, you can get around to cutting out of your life once and for all. They in turn will be shocked and very distressed to see that their scapegoat isn't playing ball anymore, it might even prompt them to change their ways. Probably not, but it will take their power away. If escaping them is too impossible, at least you can figure out how to mitigate their poison.

5. Get healthy. Boring, yes. But imagine how it'll feel. Most people will emerge 2 stone heavier, you will be 2 stone lighter! You will prove you used the time alone to work on your self discipline in a time when eating really is the only valuable entertainment.

6. As long as you can afford to, treat yourself to something you've been wanting a while. It's not a necessity but it's helping the economy back on its feet so you'll be doing your bit! Skincare or a new outfit, anything that will make you feel elevated again.

7. A morning ritual and an evening ritual. For me it's the Aveda brush I blogged about recently, that starts my morning off. And in the evening, I mix a dollop of moisturiser with a pea sized amount of Tazoratene.

The main thing is to not let yourself descend into horrible habits because that will wear away at your self worth and leads to a dangerous cycle which once begun is hard to reverse. It's tempting to exist merely for others, to decide, no one will see me so what's the point? But that is when you begin to see your value in and of itself.

Take care of yourself, love yourself, and keep safe. This could be a once in a lifetime gift of guilt-free time. Take the chance to indulge whims and to take care of your own needs. Wishing you all well!

Aveda Tulasara dry facial brush: REVIEW!

In these trying times, something professing to channel yogic energy into your beauty routine, is most welcome. Tulasara means “moving towards balance” in Sanskrit. As Aveda explain:

The first step in your radiant awakening ritual, dry brushing is a gentle exfoliating technique from Ayurveda, the ancient Indian art of wellness, called gharsana. 

• gently exfoliates dry, dull cells from skin's surface
• ultra-soft nylon bristles formed in rounded peaks help massage and lift away dull surface cells
• exfoliation helps support natural cellular turnover
• promotes smooth, soft skin
• helps prepare skin to take in nourishing tulasāra

My skin has changed into skin I never thought I’d have (sigh.) All my life my skin was dewy and I had an oily T Zone. Now it’s dry on my forehead and chin. I have flaking and visible pores. It doesn’t seem so long ago that I pressed my face against the mirror and congratulated myself, “I’m poreless!” Ah, memories. I bought all manner of exfoliants and scrubs but nothing helped. The only thing which did finally stop the dryness was only using a toner (Paula’s Choice replenishing toner) and moisturiser (I used up various samples I had lying around, in particular I liked, but not sure I’d buy, Emma Hardie Midas Touch revitalising cream.) Additionally I really hate to admit this, but not wearing makeup has let my skin get less dry too. But this brush truly does seem to help! (Gasp)

At £27 (in my defence I used a gift card) this was a bit of a gamble. I wondered, how different could this brush be to let’s say, using a scratchy brush such as the abrasive Guerlain terracotta or Météorites brush (!) But somehow this brush does seem to make my skin rosy and therefore apparently does help with blood circulation and who knows, maybe lymphatic drainage and any other benefit accredited to an ancient ritualistic system.

What I can say regardless, is that using this for a minute or so, in a circular motion, and then using my new favourite oil patted in (Antipodes Blessing serum - a light oil as heavy oils still do not suit me) has given me a calming start to my day, which also seems to be helping my skin look better and less dry. I was sure this would be a “silly buy” but in fact I’m very impressed. 

By the way I am also trying to take this time to improve my yoga moves. My brother lives nearby and allows me to use his garden, he doesn’t use it at all, so I amble over there and use it for my allocated exercise time. That way I don’t have to deal with my own neighbours snooping and I can practise unimpeded. If it weren’t for my workouts and yoga I think I’d be getting quite depressed. And I’ve found an Indian guru called Sadhguru - he has a huge following so you might know him already. He’s been doing daily YouTube videos whilst this virus is on. He has some very profound and uplifting wisdom and a great sense of humour too. I fast forward the chanting so don’t let that intimidate you as it did for me. I listen to him as I drift off to sleep.

I really can see that Indian philosophy is very inspiring - I like that they put equal emphasis on the mind and on the body. If you read a lot and are very learned, you can die early because your body will let you down. Conversely if you just focus on your body and face, you forget that your mind is the true precious and irreplaceable part of you and makes you, you.

Anyway here’s the brush and I give it a definite thumbs UP! Let me know if you have tried it, in the comments below :)

Aveda Tulasara dry facial brush

10 Current beauty Faves... in the time of covid-19

I hope everyone is doing well and staying safe in these earth-shattering times. Panic and fear, suspicion and condemnation are the order of the day. I've been horrified at the selfishness: can anyone find me a punnet of eggs?! As the weather warms up and it looks outwardly like the onset of an uplifting Spring, the reality is that we don't know what dark dread awaits... Those in power seem to know little more than we do, with mixed messages and a lack of conviction. This is the time when we were looking forward to our holidays (all cancelled now) but we here find ourselves humbled by nature. This disease has united most of the world with its horror. Our social media is for many now the only comfort, and with that, there is some beauty. For like all traumas, good can be gleaned too. This is not an 'Other's" problem, it is us all. And although a vapid interest in beauty and display might have been stymied, it has yet some relevance. For many with hectic lives, this forced enclosure and pause may even bring much-needed rest; for the planet and its pollution too. Beauty and self-care as ever has a therapeutic and life affirming power. So that being said the rest of this post will be frivolous ;)

I have been trying to keep up with my exercise regime - not the same as a gym but not impossible (find me on instagram @ooglemakeup)and I have let my hair rest from its punishing blow dries. My hope is I will emerge from this with long, healthy hair... a distant memory. Beauty-wise this is a perfect time to use products and feel better. These are my favourites and I may return to Youtube to showcase them properly.



1. Feelunique recently brought out (now sold-out) beauty bag, and I bought it on a whim. Within the bag was a miraculous tincture, Antipodes Blessing

Usually my skin hates oil. But this indeed somehow is a 'light' oil. It smells divine, it's white jasmine, but to me it seems like bubblegum but in a natural way (it reminds me of candy floss grapes if anyone has tried that variety). And somehow, perhaps the marshmallow extract, it makes my skin very pale and even-toned, almost on impact. I also love mixing it in with my Estee Lauder doublewear. Doublewear has been my faithful unwavering stand-by for a very long time; I wouldn't hear a bad word against it. And yet now my skin is changing (gasp of horror)and I find myself finally understanding the "paint" criticism. Nonetheless, a drop of this and it's perfect once again.




 2. Another New Zealand skincare brand! They must know a few tricks. This time the brand revolves around bees. Bees Brilliance Instant Hydra Firming Shot. Again, the smell is delicious. This smell is a very ancient atavistic scent. It recalls an ancient High Temple Priestess to me... it is a sweet milk and honey and perhaps cooking apples. It's a very rich smell but smells natural, not chemical. It's very moisturising but hasn't broken me out as it's not heavy. I like to mix it with my retin A gel at night. I found this again on a whim, at TK Maxx, but it is available at Holland and Barrett and isn't too expensive. I think it may be the Squalene in it that makes it so good, but it also has similar antioxidants to the Blessing serum.

I also bought the Bees Brilliance Beauty Elixir Mist and it is everything I wished MAC's Fix+ was! It doesn't have the horrible (for me) Castor oil in it and instead has only a plethora of antioxidants and a soft light honey scent. It has a great fine mist too.

3. Nourish Nutritious Peptide Serum. A serum made in UK. I tried their moisturiser but it broke me out. This, however, is oil free and helps my dehydrated skin. It reminds me of the Caudelie Vinosource serum, which I love but I go through it way too quickly. This seems to last longer but has the same very light and quenching consistency. It uses apple acid exfoliating so it reminds me of Juice Beauty Apple peel which is another marvellous product.

4. Botanical Lab has quite a few really good products! Their tumeric mask and their hydrating mask are so good. In fact the hydrating mask reminds me of Clinique's moisture quench line. It isn't oil free but it isn't heavy, and it imparts a wonderful glow to my skin. But the true wonder is their Clay & Sulfur Drying Lotion. Spot? What spot? I sometimes apply this and then I go back to look at my face and I wonder, did I imagine that it was a spot! That is how potent this is. I think the best I have ever tried is Origins spot remover, but this is almost or perhaps even equally as good.

5. A dupe a dupe! I had been using Indeed Labs Vitamin C24 but I recently decided to test out Inkey list Vitamin C serum. Both are in a silicone base, which isn't my preference and I do feel it clogs my skin a bit. But the results are undeniable, and it does make for a decent primer too. So I'm now on to this £7.99 one which seems identical. This one has 30% vitamin C rather than 22%. But it has fewer ingredients so time will tell if it lacks the punch I've seen with Indeed labs. I've tried the Inkey List Q10 serum and loved it but the inkey little bottle only lasted a few uses before it was empty. So that one was a false economy. However I'd be keen to investigate the rest of the range. The Ordinary has had a few misses for me; this brand seems more along my path.

6. Paula's Choice Advanced Replenishing Toner. I hoarded a few bottles of this when I heard it was being reformulated. Well, she insisted it would be the same. But we know that new packaging, let alone those ominous words 'new and improved' mean the death-knell for our beloved product. However on close inspection it seems only the further down ingredients have changed. The consistency is the same (milky and enriching, almost like a moisturiser) but there is an unpleasant smell now whereas before it was odourless. I always think this step can be replaced, it seems such a simple and dupeable toner. And yet after years of using it I haven't found anything - and when I do go without it, my skin isn't the same. For now, this still seems the same A+ toner. The famously lauded BHA exfoliant is also well deserving of its praise, but I think Corsx glycolic exfoliant is almost the same, so for me I'm not entirely convinced her exfoliants are all that unique. This though, seems irreplaceable...

7. Makeup at last! The fun stuff. Highlighters - is there anything better? For me the best highlighters are those with glycerine and squalene. The so-called 'gel hybrids'. In fact I'm convinced these are quasi skincare because they can actually seem to moisturise the skin? But maybe I'm getting carried away. But the love for a gleaming glowing complexion is not going away any time soon. My latest acquisition is courtesy of TK Maxx again! £29.99 (still in stock) This was a product I hesitated about, and then it was gone. Estee Lauder Modern Mercury, as brought back by Victoria Beckham. The leathery case is very nice, but it's the product inside which is the best. A rosy tan but very easy to wear sheer so it would work for all skin tones.

I used to love a matte velvety skin, but those days are gone and now my skin is getting drier I use highlighters lightly all over, and then more heavily on the high points. MAC has some brilliant ones but Guerlain and Estee Lauder have my heart. Guerlain were as far as I know, the very first (mainstream at least) brand to present this miraculous formula. I still cherish my Cruel Gardenia. Meteorites balls, although not the same formula, have an uncanny ability to draw a veil over the skin. They last forever, are addictively collectible, and any time I catch sight of my reflection when wearing these, I congratulate myself on how well my skincare regime must be doing. Sadly it washes off, but when it's on it lasts all day and it convincingly mimics a bloom of health. I'm still bitter I missed out on the carousel balls, so when I saw this pinkish version I leapt to it.

For its imprinting, I'm also going to include Burberry's highlighter in 01 even though it's only 5g of product. It makes skin look angelic. It reminds me of the Guerlain christmas Globe balls they brought out, the one with the star shaped balls. If you didn't get it you missed out - but here is a very good (if I'm honest, even better) version:

8. Lipstick Queen. My new favourite lipstick brand, on a par with Guerlain Rouge G in my opinion. The founder is an interesting character and I like how she draws inspiration from various themes. Not all of the lipsticks are equally as good, but I have a few that are delectable. They feel like a lip balm and leave a very nice stain behind which is very youthful; they also seem to make lips look plumper just like Rouge G does. My pick would be Eden because I think the case just elevates it. But I also like Natural Sinner (not truly natural in the expected sense, as it's very pigmented, but it is a gorgeous shade). The surprise hit is Black Lace Rabbit, which has allowed me to wear lipsticks which had been relegated to the dismissed pile. Suddenly vapid shades become vampy shades, too-pale nudes become raspberry mauveish nudes. And it's very moisturising so it even helps to make drying lipsticks wearable.

9. Morphe x James Charles mini eye brush set. I lucked out when I found this in Boots Tottenham Court Road for £15! I'm not subscribed to James Charles and don't know much about him. My expectations were low. I reasoned, at least the brush tubby will be useful. Granted, the quality isn't quite 'premium', but it's not like an 'own brand' brush range, either. It's in fact way better than I expected - and seeing how they were gathered makes me respect James Charles, because I can tell he is a discerning artist. In truth, the nose brush is worth it alone! I'm not sure I'd spend £59, but I hear it's often on offer and can sometimes be found for £30 on the Morphe site, and for that it's a very recommended buy. It's a really fun present. Even for £59 it would be a great gift I just personally don't think I'd spend that on Morphe brushes as I'd choose to go the premium brushes route if I was spending over £30. My favourites are the nose brush, the tapered mini blending brush, the detail liner brush, and the flat concealer brush.

10. Thebalm. I've found a few very good items from this range... I'm not sure how I feel about their designs, some can be a little cringe worthy. But I've been enjoying Schwing liner (I did say...) and sometimes if I want an even finer line, I'll apply it using the Morphe detail liner brush.

I also really love the Give Crease a Chance (cringe again) brush. I only like the flat side, it reminds me of my very first ever brush purchase which was the now extinct Prescriptives flat eyeshadow brush. It's a very firm yet fluffy brush, and until this thebalm one, I'd never found anything to compare. The blender side isn't good, but that makes it less worrisome to stick it crushed into my brush holder rather than the burden of having to store it horizontally.

So those are my top ten keeping me upbeat. I would love to hear your faves and any survival tips for these testing times.

By all accounts, this disease was created as a direct result of animal cruelty. I hope it brings awareness to the plight of endangered species, and pressure on those who keep animals in horrifying conditions.

Keep home and stay healthy, we will beat this. Wishing you and your families a healthy mind body and spirit,

Love Island - reality TV takes another victim

I don't know much about Caroline Flack but she was famous enough that one didn't need to watch any of her shows to know exactly who she was. She always seemed the archetypal "fun loving gal" who took all the "flak" that came her way. She seemed supremely confident and able to take merciless bullying. I don't think I can remember a more vicious campaign than when she enjoyed the attentions of a 17 year old Harry Styles and she was 31. I remember that I didn't think it was ideal, but I also remember being impressed by her nonchalance, and it making me rethink my judgmental attitude. It was the hysterical One Direction fans who ended up being the most unseemly in that scenario, and not Caroline Flack. It reminds me of a dog programme I once watched where the owner of the dog tugged mercilessly on the lead and stopped her dog from chasing female dogs, insisting, "He doesn't like it, he thinks it's dirty." The dog trainer gently explained to her, maybe that's your opinion, let him go and we'll see. Said dog delightedly ran off and had a wonderful time, ahem, socialising. But I'm not talking about men being dogs right now...

Personally I don't watch any of those bear baiting TV programmes, all the poverty porn and exploitative shows which pit people against other people and become a deliberate popularity/ beauty contest. I've never watched a single episode of Love Island but I imagine I've got the gist of it. People being voted on and manipulated and undermined. I read that Caroline Flack once gently squeezed on a contestant's hand as a warning to her when she was gushing about her match, and he'd not been quite so kind. That to me is such a heartbreakingly kind gesture, as I suspect that many hosts would relish the amusement this juxtaposition would have brought, and not impeded it. I know she was effectively sacked and replaced. Perhaps it would have been honourable to refuse the position or at least publicly question whether it was right to sack someone, to draw attention to and support this supposedly treasured colleague. "No man is an island", as the ever quotable John Donne wrote. And as the Love Island title ironically reminds us. Yet to me it has always seemed that you can only ever rely on yourself, and people will always let you down; You can always rely on others' hypocrisy and lack of self awareness, so it helps if you expect little more.

After a suicide there is inevitable gushing through the sluices: trite assurances, etc. An unfortunate other effect is that whether intentional or not, these celebrities are often role models, and these actions normalise suicide at a general level. Caroline Flack herself was paradoxically writing a self- help book and I wouldn't be surprised if it was published posthumously. If you could meet and see the reality of authors of most self-help books, you'd probably put the book down rather hastily. Her instagram post addressing mental health, with admonishing words as she relates her interlocutor's complaint that she is being "draining", will haunt whoever that was, forever. Yet the truth of the matter is that everyone gets depressed and upset, and it can be draining and tiring hearing someone talking at length about feelings which are not unique and indeed may be all too familiar to us all. That is not to say that talking isn't the remedy, but maybe it should be a professional - because friends and family will be honest enough to exclaim, that's enough, you're draining me now. Supporting can take its toll on the caregiver and that's not fair either. Being depressed you often feel isolated and unique and that inadvertently translates as selfish, because you do forget that the person helping you might be getting upset. But then, that is when suicide seems a way to stop being this "burden". There is no middle ground and I suppose the elusive middle ground is where the cure is. The trouble is finding a good professional in a sea of quacks...

That is where social media masquerades as a tonic, as it's an 'echo chamber' of like-minded individuals who tell you what you're seeking to hear. The trouble is, it only takes one rotten apple to spoil the whole barrel. The same way it's an echo chamber for what you want to hear, it can also be an echo chamber of your darkest fears: as one nasty comment which echoes what you secretly believe, is the one you'll take as the truth. But the diatribe about social media being toxic, and reality TV being toxic, is futile when the horse has bolted. Getting likes and followers is a natural pleasure and addiction, it can't be artificially stopped, even if all the social media platforms scrap 'likes', there will always be a way to measure success and popularity, and that public declaration of worthiness will always be chased and aspired to.

Caroline Flack was dating someone with whom she had a row, and this was the beginning of all the trauma. Police were called and although he later retracted his complaint, the CPS (Crime Prosecution Service) wished to press ahead. I suppose this is a matter of principle to help those who are intimidated by an abusive partner, but clearly it was misapplied in this circumstance, as has been widely condemned. But the people using the CPS as a scapegoat are wrong, because clearly it is the TV network and the culture therein, which cracked open her whole world. To have her bosses drop her and to know that (as she knew from experience) the press were about to have a field day with endless lurid details about her love life and her aggressiveness, was just too much stress. She'd endured it before but it seems this time she wasn't ready. If her bosses had stood by her and publicly defended her character (the way they are doing now that it's too late) it might have made all the difference.

Her boyfriend was younger than her and apparently cheated on her; I don't know the details but she was a woman in her late 30s who felt young and effervescent;it must have been jarring to have the subtext of criticism - inevitable even in today's enlightened times - of not being a settled down wife, and of being a party girl. An undercurrent of hostility that a woman past her 20s should have a young man in his 20s, and live as if she too were as young and fresh as her contestants on all these shows, all of which of course would never accept a woman like her, young spirited but ultimately, now a 40 year old. To be the host of a programme which tacitly draws attention to her ageing by its very nature: a superficial and carnal beauty contest, must have been sobering at the very least. Ageing as a woman, or as a gay man where similar fetishisisation of youth is chronic, and especially as a celebrity, is challenging in most circumstances. A betrayal like that would undermine any hopes of turning this challenge into an irrelevance.

Depression and misery will always be familiar to everyone, platitudes rarely help. It is those who never feel sad who are the unique ones and should feel alone, not the ones sobbing and feeling alone...

It can't be denied that these shows are causing harm. Censorship never works though (it would become an online series instead) but at least one hopes they will radically change the format. Reality TV is not the problem but the forced competitive framing is wrong and more than unhealthy, it's lethal. Love Island has had 2 suicides already, continuing it was already quite insulting, but now surely it has to go, at least in name. I remember thinking, 'jamais deux sans trois' but when I saw this death flash up on ' breaking news', I intially assumed it must be a car crash or similar. It was a shock. People are not elastic and they will break one day, you have to always be mindful of that. Because once someone is dead, either from stress or from suicide, they won't hear your comforting words. In Caroline Flack's case, she must have known there would be this wave of support, but she knew just as well that in the parallel world, were she to have lived and had the trial, the vitriol would have come just as thick and fast. She decided, maybe even for her family's sake, that an outpouring of (sometimes hypocritical) support, was better than the alternative.

When upset one must construct one's own strength from within. External support can buckle. I exercise and go out of my way to do my makeup extra nicely and wear something good and I remind myself that no one has the privilege of being able to tear me down. I have tried not to allow myself to get too invested into social media. As Anais Nin wrote, “I am only responsible for my own heart, you offered yours up for the smashing my darling. Only a fool would give out such a vital organ”. On social media you are vulnerable, uploading a selfie that you think is good, and wait to see what approval rating it gets; that can't be right... But if you put up a photo that you know looks good because you know that that night you had admiring glances and compliments, you'd felt great... well, then putting it up and not getting likes, is really fairly irrelevant because you've had the real experience, and this photo is nothing more than a memento. In that sense, social media is perfectly harmless. Until it becomes its own actual world, and then every reaction or lack thereof, becomes truly damaging to one's ego. But as a vessel, social media is not the one to fault.

To bring this post back to makeup, as this is a makeup blog, I will be candid enough to admit that were it not for makeup I probably wouldn't be able to psychologically emerge most days. Not that makeup is a crutch, that is not it, as that implies vulnerability and sounds misogynistic and reductive, even accusatory. No, what I am suggesting is makeup as defiance - that makeup is empowering and can be a reminder, You've got this, and you will not be torn down today - not in that lipstick!

Sometimes it is the most implausibe and seemingly banal things, which get you through your worst times.

For anyone suffering, Please call the Samaritans. I do sometimes wonder (as I did above, regarding authors of self-help books) who exactly is drawn to these volunteer roles. My cynical side thinks they are narcissists who take perverse joy listening to salacious stories of gloom. But I know that this lack of faith in the goodness of others is something I have to work on. So I do acknowledge that if you need support, these people are trained, and being able to talk to someone is something that even fame and money doesn't necessarily grant you. So talk to someone, possibly not friends and family. Realise that if you get through this, there may be joy ahead; don't deprive yourself of that chance.


PS After having clarified that social media can be a force for good too... and what's more, I'll add lets not blame filters either... So erm, if you would like to follow me you can find me on instagram under @ooglemakeup - Please comment on a post so I know you found me from here if you'd like me to follow you back. Also if anyone ever wants to email me for any reason, my contact is on my bio here :)

Wearing Shiseido Ginzo Red, one of my favourite and most joy-giving reds. But really, I have a huge collection of reds so it might not be 'the best' - but right now, I feel like it is... As well as my new found miracle product (review may ensue) Becca undereye brightening corrector in Light:

And one of my strengthening quotes when I feel down. It's by Noel Coward and from one of my favourite films, Brief Encounter: